A box leads to... A bigger box!

So I was doodling in Lightwave the other day. I wanted to make a cargo ship based off of some weird clip type thing I found. but I ran into a problem, I started thinking about how very small cargo ships tend to be... The Millennium Falcon while cool is almost useless as a cargo hauler, look at Serenity, same problem; and don't even get me started on the G'ould cargo ship.
these ships would barely take an earthly load of goods, let alone interstellar ones.
So I decided to start at the bottom and work my way up.

This is the basic goods crate, it is 1m x 1m x 1m
192 of these fit into this...

Eventually I'll get to that cargo ship.


Hello, my fellow internetists.
How are you today? Just as I thought. well this ought to cheer you up, my very own blog. Yes I know, after years of waiting, it has finally happened...
I broke down and joined the internet. Don't get me wrong, I still Hate the internet, but I have come to understand (begrudgingly) that it has a place.

So for all of you who don't know me, I'm so sorry, nothing in your life will ever be able to fill that void. However if you read my blog you may come to know internet me, and that's almost as good.

Some of the things I do for fun.

  • 3D modelling
  • I dabble in animation
  • Artwork (mostly line art)
  • Writing
  • Reading terrible books
Now reading terrible books is something I don't get to do often, but when I am able, I read them aloud until people hide them from me. now today I an going to attempt to dissect and reconstruct a terrible section of book into something more readable.

Now I know I am not the best writer in the world. In fact many of the sentences I put down are riddled with errors, stuff that I try to catch in editing. Even through my faults, I am going to attempt this; Laugh if you will.


Note: This is nothing against the original writer. it is just an exercise, part of the way I learn.


This Excerpt is from: Don Pendelton's Mack Bolan the Executioner #57 Flesh wounds.
Original in orange.
Revamped in blue.


Bolan was rolling across the rough concrete floor, inhaling lungfuls of dust as he spun.
Dante's .45 slug had kicked a chunk of wood out of the doorjamb, but the pounding beat of the music and the echo of the amplifiers drowned the sound of the gunshot. They could blast away at each other in there and no one would notice.
That was fine with Bolan.
He stopped rolling once he had angled the stack of reserve amplifiers between himself and Dante. Another bullet ripped through one of the amplifiers, and the impact sent it toppling to the floor.



Bolan rolled across the rough concrete floor, inhaling lungfuls of gritty dust.
The bullet had blown a chunk of wood off of the grimy door frame, but the Music pounding overhead and the echo of the amplifiers drowned out the cacophony. The two of them could blast away at each other down here and no one would notice.
That suited Mack just fine.
He collided with a stack of reserve amplifiers, a makeshift barricade between himself and Dante. Another bullet slammed into one of the amplifiers, Showering Mack in dust and more wood-chips. There was a reverberating bang as the giant speaker toppled to the floor.


What do you think? did I make it better or worse?


This one wasn't actually all that bad, I've seen way worse in more recent books. one of the main things that bothers me is the way (in the Mack Bolan books anyway) the narrator doesn't use the characters first name. I believe that by using a first name you connect emotionally with the characters, and you do it far more rapidly than you would just using a last name.
Another thing is weaponry; for the average reader, we don't care if Dante is using a Beretta 93-R, a .45 Desert eagle, or a Slingshot. The important thing is the peril that your main character is facing.
Other changes were mostly cosmetic and personal taste.


Well until next time.



PS